15/14 Days of 42
15 Degrees of Fire: A Matchbox Ignites
“Each of us is born with a box of matches inside us but we can't strike them all by ourselves; we need oxygen and a candle to help. In this case, the oxygen for example, would come from the breath of the person you love; the candle would be any kind of food, music, caress, word, or sound that engenders the explosion that lights one of the matches. For a moment we are dazzled by an intense emotion. A pleasant warmth grows within us, fading slowly as time goes by, until a new explosion comes along to revive it. Each person has to discover what will set off those explosions in order to live, since the combustion that occurs when one of them is ignited is what nourishes the soul. That fire, in short, is its food. If one doesn't find out in time what will set off these explosions, the box of matches dampens, and not a single match will ever be lighted.
*Dr. John Brown - Like Water for Chocolate”
― Laura Esquivel
Maybe one match ignites the others, or maybe there are one of those that have little explosions. It could be a case where you had a certain amount of continuous explosions.
I think in the end our match books and the things that ignite them must be similar if we are to find a significant other who will sustain a constant burning. Now burning has so many aspects. There is smoldering, embers, inferno, and sparks. Each has chemistry, mystery and need wrapped up in it. Each has to burn something so that smoke rises to heaven, and ash is left to be witness and to replenish that material that will soon ignite again.
At whatever dimensions you have been burned by life, both good and bad, will probably be the qualities that one seeks in the other, as in lover. Whenever I express my definition of lover, it always bleeds outside the boundaries of the usual. A lover is the other that reflects you and or provokes you to move, to be inspired or cares. This widens the usual definition which usually only allows for the romantic lover. I am absolutely blessed to have so many lovers, that is people who I have been in love with(not romantic). Not only does a person become a lover, but also a game or activity can be like a lover. If a game and activity fires you up, pushes you beyond your limits or inspires you to be more engaged in the world, then it might be equal to a lover. I am not talking about the fan, but the participant. I have had the luxury of being the player and the coach. Being in love with something makes you want to share it or teach it to everyone. True love makes a person explode out into the universe so that they can hardly contain themselves. Most people who feel real fire will not judge or limit themselves or the other in their expression of this emotion. Thus good lovers are the ones that are hurt the most. But them seem to be fools for the burn.
Sometimes life feels to burn you in a hurtful way. Yet does that burning shift you some how. My friend, the Jypsy, talks about one accident he experienced that made everything change. While he was in the middle of this terrible ordeal, it probably felt like he was being burned by the power of the universe. The thing that burned me the most was the death of my father. I sometimes think it completely destroyed me, and I had to rebuild myself. It scarred me so deeply, yet it also awakened me more than anything else in my life. It seems that burning goes is waves. The ocean of burning goes from a ember to an inferno. As you become more balance the waves may only roll, yet it is nice when they are burning bright.
Sometimes you need to hide the match. Many matches have been ignited in the match book, but then dampness sets in and then the flame goes out. Some hold the ember of a lost love, and it is not romantic always. Being in love is authentic. Loving someone because it is obligation is a shallow level. I sometimes think that insecure hearts are only able love with conditions. They have been deeply betrayed by love, thus they are no longer capable of being "in love." They easy betray the love they once had, or the fire that you thought the person had for you was really nothing at all. There really never was an explosion. I don't know which is worse, a flame that goes out, or an explosion that never really happened.
When I say I was lucky throughout my life, it is because I was taught to explode with fire so early. There is one soul who was made to ignite, and shall burn for me if I asked her to. That means if it came down to life and death and I had to choose the person who would walk through fire for me, it would be her. She is a relative. I am not going to label her because so many would determine this kind of condition because it seems the norm. I am not sure if most people have someone who would walk through fire for them. The most important part is that burn you feel when you have a relationship with someone like this. It is an intensity that is a constant exploding phenomena. Sometimes their will/flame is so strong that you are consumed by the good and negative aspects of that person. It is hard when this person is mostly positive.
My latest meeting has been a explosion of the unexpected kind. Sometimes you forget what it feels like to burn. When life floods your romantic matches with failure, disappointment and struggle, you just let go of the fire that once inspired you. Since I do have other fires to keep me going, the romantic type of burning is a welcome change. I do believe other fires are significant and equal to romantic types of burning, but there is an unusual dynamic with the opposite or lover. There is a type of intimacy that is so needed at times. It is not just the act of love, but all the aspects that intrigue me. I think being in the presence of someone who is feeling pleasure, emotion and becomes less of his ego is something rare and special.(This goes both ways) Many people say that the vehicle that our spirit lives in is corrupt or not worthy. I do not believe this. The closest I have ever felt to God was using my body, mind and soul after an extreme amount of discipline. It was highly technical strategic sport. Something equivalent to martial arts. If it is possible for two souls to unite under the right intention and with full awareness, then it is something that can release our hold on reality. I am assuming the ego is our hold on reality. This can be an attachment to our identities. Sometimes this hold on our identity takes up so much energy, there is no place for us to grow or shift. We stay in our ego-based world only allowing what fits into our worldview. If we can release this hold by meditation, loving acts, serving others and or devotion to prayer and or mystic practices, then we might shift ourselves out of the stagnant ego view of the world. The union between two souls is a powerful explosion. If the chemistry is right, the spirit centered and the intention pure, then it could light up the world like the sun.
The best part of the burning, letting the matches ignite and explode is time will be consumed. It is no easy task to burn time. In the latest meeting where I feel a unique burn, time does not matter. That is if I died tomorrow, I am creative today. An ember is burning hot right now, and it is melting all results, expectations and those petty things that time tries to hang over us. If I burned right out, and was no more, then so be it. If the burning ends in six months or a year or two, there is quality if we both are coming to the fire with pure intentions. To get to know a unique, shattered, redeemed caring soul is good. To be known is also significant. The past and future are burned into ash and only the flame exist now.